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Below are the 12 most recent friends journal entries:
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10:43 pm
gosmartygo
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forever hyoung
the other day this chinese dude walked into my work and was like, "herro, i needa haircut". so i was like "okay, i have someone who can do that for you", and i set him up with a stylist. he was like "wait, i gotta ask you a question... i have a picture of the hair i want, can i show it to you?" i was like "yeah of course", so the dude reaches in his coat pocket and pulls out this picture of rod stewart, SUPER EIGHTIES AS HELL!!!!!!! with like, really spiky hair on top, and poker straight on the sides. he was like "i want this. i wanna look like rob stewart." roB stewart!!! i thought he was joking so i started laughing a bit, but he was totally serious and keeping a totally straight face! so i was like "oh yeah, you could pull that off!" "you think she can do it?" he asked. i assured him that the stylist could handle the roB stewart `do and sent him to her chair. i wish i had a better end to this story, like him coming up to pay at the end, and telling me that tonight he was mine, do anything that i wanted him to... but i was on lunch break when he checked out.
Current Mood:  full
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07:49 pm
gosmartygo
[Link] |
jersey shore
i love jersey shore. i think it's great. i have no shame in admitting that. i know there are a lot of haters out there who feel like the show is "a bad representation of new jersey" or of "italian people in general" (too bad it's totally accurate), but i will fight these people on this, because they're wrong. i see a lot of fags on facebook saying that they're "disgusted by it" or whatever... but for real? obviously in some parts of new jersey, it IS like that!! SEASIDE HEIGHTS IS LIKE THAT. THAT'S WHY YOU DON'T ACTUALLY GO THERE, and that's why you watch it on TV and love it. and i'm sitting here wondering why it can't be like that in EVERY part of new jersey! i live in hopewell. i have yet to see someone with this kind of attitude and cocky charisma that i've grown to seek out and embrace thanks to this gem of a program. fuck everyone who's not just like all these people, or who can't at least appreciate them, because they're incredible and hilarious and my idols. how come so many people have such a hard time appreciating horrible stuff? we need horrible stuff in order to have good stuff. i feel like the funniest stuff in life is funny because it's so awful, or so ridiculous (see also: limp bizkit, the burning man festival, intervention)! plus, this cast is chock full of comedic genius and they really have no idea how funny they really are. they aren't trying to make you laugh, but they do every time, without fail.
favorite dude on the show: the situation
favorite girl on the show: snooki
least favorite dude: paully d
least favorite girl: jwoww (GROSS, SO GROSS!!!!)
okay, so that's where i'm at. this is now my favorite show, and i want to give props to whoever made it.
Current Mood: good
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02:13 am
gosmartygo
[Link] |
the only time i have paid attention to the news
responding to a post by one of my friends on here made me realize how impacted i was by something that happened in the mid nineties. i am talking about the OJ simpson trial. i just realized a few minutes ago that this was the only time i ever watched the news, in my whole entire life. i guess it wasn't really like news; it was more like a wild reality show before there were even reality shows. well, maybe there was the real world at that time? yeah, i think there was... but it was just so intense! there was this wild black man who had so obviously murdered his wife and her new squeeze. there was a bunch of evidence proving that he'd done it. but he got away free! why? i don't know. but i was immediately captivated by the whole thing.
i remember watching the getaway chase, with OJ simpson in the white bronco driven by al cowlings. he was hauling ass, stopping for nothing, reckless and running from the law like an insane freak. why would he run if he hadn't killed nicole brown simpson and ronald goldman? that was definitely my favorite part. then as the trial went on, you like, got to know this cast of stupid and quirky characters that were either trying to prove him guilty, or save his sorry ass, while he sat there like some murderer who'd just offed his wife and her new man. whaaaaat? and then you got to watch greta van susteren (man) recap the whole thing. THEN, on saturdays, you got to watch norm macdonald totally make fun of the whole thing on the weekend update, which was the best part of all!!! i will always remember johnnie cochran's famous quote: "IF THE GLOVE DOES NOT FIT, YOU MUST ACQUIT!!" ...uhh, but, THE GLOVE TOTALLY FIT!!!!! and didn't it have OJ's DNA on it too?! and his argument was "these gloves are too tight..." yeah man. tight and perfect for brutally murdering your wife, and her boyfriend. YET HE WAS INNOCENT!!!!!!! it was so intense and unbelievable!!
i remember watching the final verdict in my home ec class in middle school. they even made an announcement about it over the loudspeakers! they said that they were stopping class so that everyone could see "an important part of history take place"!!!! and class stopped, and the teacher turned on the TV, and they announced him not guilty, and i remember sitting there and thinking to myself, in seventh grade, "wow, our court system is seriously fucked up." it was so apparent that he'd done it! how did he get away with it? he was not even slick about the murder!!
i have not watched the news once since then, not even on 9/11. and it's totally not because i feel like the court system is corrupt, or anything. i just feel like there will never be anything as entertaining as the OJ simpson trial on the news. i know there won't be. and yeah, i know we don't watch the news to be entertained, but i do, and that was the news at its pinnacle for me.
it's funny because now years later, i find myself paying a lot of attention to the kardashian family, and that totally has nothing to do with the OJ trial. i had no idea who they even were then. of course i knew who robert kardashian was, but i knew nothing about his family. maybe years later my subconscious was like "oh shit, they're connected to the OJ simpson trial" and that was what drew me to them in the first place? if so i honestly didn't realize it. i just thought they were cool and sexy for some reason (no homo). but they grew up with OJ! they even called him "uncle OJ"! weird. i wonder if kim, kourtney, and khloe ever worry about OJ coming back to wreak havoc on them for not siding with him, despite the fact that their dad was his defense attorney? i would.
Current Location: my couch
Current Mood: dale's pale ale
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12:08 am
gosmartygo
[Link] |
i probably shouldn't be driving, part 11
the other day i almost got hit by my own car, with nobody behind the wheel!!! IT WAS SCARY!!!
here is how it happened:
first things first, i drive a stick. yeah, I DRIVE A STICK! i'm fucking AWESOME, right? how many ladies do you know that drive a manual transmission?
i was running late for work, because i may or may not have been up late drinking and dancing and headbanging really hard to the toadies the night before. on sundays you can park for free in princeton, so i drove past my work, and figured i would find a spot pretty close. i saw sherri, one of my coworkers, standing outside in the freezing cold rain, waiting for me, because i've got the key (wooo AUTHORITY). i figured i would park my car right outside the salon where you can't park, throw my hazards on, unlock the door, and let her in so she wouldn't be out in the cold, then get back in my car, find a spot, and park. so i parked my car, put on my hazards, and jumped out. i was like, "SHERRI! i'm SO SORRY!! i'm gonna let you in, and then i'm gonna park, okay?! i'll be right back!" i'm just about to let her in when she goes, "where's your car?" i was like "it's right there", and pointed to where i had temporarily parked, only to find MY CAR ROLLING SLOWLY FORWARD, HEADED FOR THE CROSS STREET RIGHT IN FRONT OF IT!!! i had forgotten to put on my e-brake!!!!! so i was like "AHHHH HOLY SHIT!!!!" i ran in front of my slowly rolling car, narrowly missed getting plowed the fuck over by it, opened up the door, and yanked the e-brake up, only seconds before the car rolled slowly into witherspoon street into mad oncoming traffic!!! the car was literally less than a foot away from the stop sign when i got to it and stopped it!
CAN YOU IMAGINE HOW DEADLY, DANGEROUS, AND TERRIBLE THAT COULD HAVE BEEN??????
I AM LUCKY!!!!!!!!!
so i decided "okay, fuck letting sherri in, she can freeze, i've got bigger fish to fry", parked my car in a legit spot, ran up to my work, and found my coworker laughing really hard on the step and shaking her head at what a retard i am.
but whatever yo, at least i didn't get hurt, and at least my car didn't get hurt.
but it could have been sooooo embarrassing and horrendous! instead, it's just embarrassing. cool!
Current Location: dining room table
Current Mood: maybe god is real?
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03:27 pm
shmivejournal
![[User Picture]](http://l-userpic.livejournal.com/64586724/208418) [Link] |
A mystery
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03:20 am
prototype138
![[User Picture]](http://l-userpic.livejournal.com/62044065/128304) [Link] |
WHY DON'T YOU HAVE TWITTER YET?!
Love and Kisses,
Dick Toothpaste
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10:29 pm
gosmartygo
[Link] |
awful dog
i hate my parents' dog, doyle, soooooo much. i don't think i've ever hated an animal this much in my entire life. he's a rhodesian ridgeback, and is so giant and annoying and defective. i went there tonight to eat dinner with my folks, and the dog would come over and hump my mom's leg while she was sitting at the table. then she would yell at him and push him off, and he would lick his own dick. he would fuck off for a few minutes, but he would always return to hump my mom's leg again, and this would repeat over and over and over. hump mom's leg, get pushed off/yelled at, lick own penis, walk away, return three minutes later. my mom told me that she loves him, but has to admit that she'll be relieved when he dies.
Current Mood: decent
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03:20 am
prototype138
[Link] |
WHY DON'T YOU HAVE TWITTER YET?!
Love and Kisses,
Dick Toothpaste
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03:20 am
prototype138
[Link] |
WHY DON'T YOU HAVE TWITTER YET?!
Love and Kisses,
Dick Toothpaste
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11:27 am
emergencynumber
![[User Picture]](http://l-userpic.livejournal.com/85154944/1162110) [Link] |
the best books of our lives have not been written yet...
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12:18 am
gosmartygo
[Link] |
chapped ass lips
okay, sooooo, i donno about anyone else out there, but my lips are chapped as motherfuckin' hell! it sucks mad dick. it's like, every fifteen to thirty minutes, i'm coating them with chapstick. when i do that, all the flakes of dead skin on my lips get all gritty in the oily chapstick, and that's awesome. it feels like i just put some 50/50 mixture of vaseline and dirt on my lips. when the chapstick dries shit gets even more heinous, because then that shit is ultra dry, and then it cracks! SUCH A BLOWSURE. okay, and you know what else is even more awesome? any time i eat anything tangy or spicy, it fucking burns to the max!!! i had some chicken fajita soup the other day and it felt like i had used tabasco sauce as lip gloss or something. that's how bad it stung. pretty uncool, but i'm sure it won't last. when i was a kid i used to get chapped lips soooo much worse, like, down to my chin and up to my nose, because i was forever licking that shit.
so that's where i'm at with my chapped lips. i'll let you know if they get more chapped.
i was complaining about this to my friend mahir at work, and he told me that if i "ever want to really torture someone, blow heat in their face for a while, and then stretch their lips sideways as far as they can go."
Current Location: couch
Current Mood: FULL OF INDIAN FOOD
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03:20 am
prototype138
[Link] |
WHY DON'T YOU HAVE TWITTER YET?!
Love and Kisses,
Dick Toothpaste
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